I’m thrilled to have The Hubs aka @DadandMarried guest posting for me today — sort of like his early Mother’s Day gift to me. He’s talking about my least favorite subject in the world, which is why he’s talking about it, ceepy-crawly bugs! Don’t forget to show him a little love here – so he’ll do share more posts 😉
Like a lot of families who pay handsomely to live in a home which has trees, plants, and a tool shed that should probably be condemned, we are surrounded by insects. Not the poisonous, loud, or straight-from-the-History Channel apocalyptic swarms, but the little ones who are just as diabolical in their own way.
Before The Harried Mom and I set up our happy home, I used to live in big bad NYC. I’ve seen cockroaches on the street that were so big they needed license plates. While my apartment was luckily never overrun with the buggers, I did have the occasional sighting of the smaller variety which were just as repulsive. I tried hard not to think about how many I wasn’t seeing, or if in fact they came from the fancy restaurant below me that I once saw Colin Powell entering.
When I got to the burbs, I thought I’d never see them again, and so far so good. But the downside is that other horrible creatures have tormented me ever since.
The most terrifying yet relatively harmless ones we encountered first were cicada killers. As charming as their name, they resembled Mothra both in size (absurd) and speed (slower that a dirigible).
Actual cicada killer on the left taking his kill back to his “mound,” but it might as well be as big as Mothra, featured on the right
Unfortunately, there was no Godzilla to battle them nor no tiny Peanuts to serenade them back to Monster Island. Nope, to get rid of them required a tennis racket to “swat” them down. Often I would flail away pathetically at them, the nylon-strung weapon as useless to me as it was to Bobby Riggs when he single-handedly tried use one to destroy Billie Jean King and Women’s Lib back in the 70s. When we finally moved to a house that wasn’t located on their favorite dwelling of choice, a giant dirt clot, I was blissfully unaware of them once more.
Our second house was originally what you might charitably call “swampy.” The yard and trees hadn’t been maintained by the prior owner since shoulder pads were fashionable, and the mosquitoes had taken over. The first call we made was to a decent landscaper and tree surgeon –forget the bugs — we had the clear and present danger of a large branch hanging over our bedroom. It took a couple of years and a lot of arborcide to get it under control, although I still dream of buying one of those contraptions you see in the Sky Mall catalog that will inhale every insect within a quarter-mile, provided you have 300 bucks lying around to pay for one.
With this house we have a tool shed in the backyard. Made out of rustic wood and exposed beams, it’s kind of like a warm and inviting Swiss Chalet for every type of crawler you can imagine. Recently, we found a stray piece of 2×4 I’d left in there – because who throws away something that useful! – had turned into termite foodie heaven. I had to double-bag that one after I’d gassed the bugs chewing on it. Yuck!
This spring, we’ve had some brand new bug issues. Of course, we do pay an exterminator to come and dribble “safe” toxins all over our home to keep things under control, but every night our son has a spider or two on his wall, just out of arms reach so that daddy has to crush them with a tissue while delicately perched on the adorable wooden stool which has my son’s name on it.
Did I mention I hate bugs?
Seriously, sooner or later my children are going to have a good laugh when I run screaming from some multi-legged,multi-eyed horror which has decided to take a piggy back ride on me. It’s gonna happen and I’m fine with it.
We have also had a more pressing problem, the wife and I are waking up with big bug bites and multiple ones to boot. We don’t know if they are spiders, mosquitoes, or something even more vicious, but we are relieved that they aren’t bedbugs. Since we were between appointments with our exterminator, I tried few other options to rid us of the new pests. I picked up a package of things you plug into the wall which supposedly emit a high-pitched tone which you or your pets can’t hear. Apparently it is a more annoying sound to them than a marathon of “Real Housewives” episodes is to the average house-husband. It cost $13, and, well, worked about as good as a $13 solution to any problem could be expected to.
So today, the exterminator is finally coming back, and hopefully we can say goodbye to the spiders. And the mysterious bites. If not, I’m moving into that tool shed. They can have the bedroom.
Thanks @DadandMarried for guest posting today and more importantly, for calling the exterminator! For a little TMI – the four bites on my leg are so inflamed that it looks like I’ve tried that crazy cupping therapy all the A-list celebs are doing these days – and let me tell you, it’s super itchy!
Now it’s your turn to share. What bug do you dislike the most?
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