Santa may make a list and check it twice, but I swear my four-year old son checks his Christmas list several times a day! Every time we are in a store he’ll point at something –usually a truck of some type — and ask, “Can I put that on my list?”
The other day we were driving home and he was again telling me about his Christmas list, as if I had no idea what was on it. I said, “Well, you know, Santa can’t always bring you everything on your list and he might even give you a few things you didn’t ask for, but you will probably like them anyway.” My son took a minute to register and then asked me, “What’s on your Christmas list for Santa?” I told him that I hadn’t written one yet to which my son replied, “You better do it fast, all the good stuff is probably already taken!”
I chuckled to myself, but it got me thinking, maybe I should write a Christmas list of my own. Now, I haven’t written a wish list since I was about 9 or 10 years old. Of course by then I knew there was no Santa, but why not tell mom & dad exactly what I so desperately wanted!? Obviously, my list as an adult would be different from one that of a child…or would it?? Here goes:
Dear Santa,
I know it’s been quite a while since you’ve heard from me. I didn’t fall off the face of the earth, but I really don’t “write” letters anymore – I email, text, Facebook and Tweet. Last I heard, you were still using pen & paper along with a rotary phone since I imagine wireless and Internet service is still pretty limited up at the North Pole. I know you’ve heard from both my kidlets with their wish lists and I hope that our “Elf On The Shelf,” Jelfie has been giving you good reports so we’ll see lots of presents under the tree on Christmas morning.
Anyway, I know it’s getting kinda late in the season, but with a few days left I figured I could still get my wish list in under the wire. Yes, I of course wish for peace, love and happiness for our family, friends and the world, but there are a few more things this holiday that I’m hoping you can help me out with:
1) Please send the Kardashians far, far away – I don’t look at this as solely a gift for me, but one for the entire world. I would have a very happy life if all the personal details of Kim, Khloe, Kourtney, Karisma, Koala, Kukla and all those other K named kids were no longer crammed down my throat every where I turned. I don’t care about their weddings, divorces, baby plans, or fragrances. The only information I’d be interested in about them would be that they are retreating permanently from public life and are moving to Idaho to start a potato farm.
2) Can you please bring my kidlets toys that use less than 33 batteries each? And while you’re at it, can you please permanently eliminate all the weird batteries that come in toys today like LR44…please just stick to A, AA, AAA, C & D battery operated toys! I’m weary from scouring the hearing aid battery sections at my local drugstores in a desperate attempt to buy $20 worth of weird batteries to power a $10 toy.
3) Please find a weekly TV series for Dean Winters. I so do enjoy him in those Allstate “Mayhem” commercials, but this guy has range. He’s done drama (“Oz” and “Rescue Me”), as well as comedy (“Sex And The City” and “30 Rock”). I’d faithfully tune in to a TV series if he were in it. Okay, I know, it also doesn’t hurt that he’s handsome with a smirky, sexy kinda smile!
4) Ban all car manufacturers from making those silly and totally annoying cars as Christmas gift commercials. I’ve been around now for almost 40 years and know lots of people and NONE of them have ever gotten a $40,000 car as a Christmas gift. Every time I hear the music for one of those ads I can’t help but say out loud “Yeah, right!” Like I don’t stress out enough about what kind of present to give my husband, now I have to worry that if I really was a good wife, I would have bought him the Mini Cooper he’s been coveting for years and with one of those crazy big red bows on top.
See Santa, I’m not asking for a lot – just a few key things. If you could even find a way to make just one of these wish list items come true, I’d be eternally grateful. However, if you’re feeling especially generous, I’m still waiting for a few toys you never seemed to bring me when I was a kid. Maybe you’d reconsider if I promise to share with my kidlets:
I Took A Lickin’ From a Chicken – Playin’ Tic Tac Toe….Come on, it’s a chicken, it’s funny!
Barbie’s Dreamhouse - I guess now it would be Barbie’s retirement home….
Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine – You put ice cubes in and you get a sno-cone out!
Shaun Cassidy Phonograph Player – No additional explanation needed!
XO -
Debra AKA The Harried Mom
PS – let me know if you still prefer the old standby of cookies & milk or if you’d like a hot toddy and some vodka laced chocolates instead. I know you’re in for a LONG night on Christmas!
If you were writing a Christmas list to Santa, what would you ask for?