As the train neared my station stop yesterday, I gathered my things and started to make my way to exit. There was a young woman sitting directly across the aisle from me who was also getting up. We both got to the aisle at the same time and after a brief pause I said “it’s okay, you can go ahead.” The woman never looked up at or even acknowledged me. She just made her way to the rear of the train. As I followed her down the aisle to the exit door, she dropped her umbrella and her car keys. I bent down to help her and handed her the umbrella. Again, she never looked up at or said anything to me. She just took her umbrella and turned on her heel to leave. I wanted to call out after her and say “you’re welcome!” but I thought better of it.
I always shake my head in disbelief at how many adults don’t say “Please” and “Thank You.” I know that we all encounter it every day. “Gimme that.” “Move it.” “Yep.” When did we all become so rude? Weren’t we taught when we were kids that there were “magic words” and when used, they could make amazing things happen? Why do people stop saying these words?
Image credit: Little Minnow Designs
I am by no means an etiquette queen or the new Miss Manners, but I always encourage my kidlets to use these words when asking for or receiving something. My kids are not perfect. The Hubs and I have to occasionally remind them to say “Please” and “Thank You,” but on the whole, they’re really very good about using these words. They even smile when they do it, pleased that they remembered those “magic words!” We try to be consistent using those words through our own daily actions and behavior. Kids soak up everything that mom and dad do. We are their first and most influential role models, so what we do and how we act in front of them are important.
I guess that some people figure that if others are rude to them that gives them carte blanche to be rude to everyone else. It’s a vicious cycle and one that I don’t want myself or my kidlets to get caught up in, even though it would be easy to do so. I would think that we all, as human beings, just want to be respected and appreciated. So I will keep doing my best each day to be polite and use my manners. All it takes is one simple “Please” or “Thank You” to turn things around!
Now it’s your turn to share? What manners do you think it’s important to instill in your children?
The UNCOMMON COURTESY by The Harried Mom, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Please and thank you are BIG deals in my house. My oldest son has autism and although he’s verbal now, he wasn’t for awhile. “Thank you” was the 3rd sign I taught him. I didn’t know how the world might perceive him otherwise but I wanted him to be polite. I am so proud that he is pretty good about saying please and thank you these days. I hope that continues as he gets older and that he comes to really understand gratitude. I think it’s a virtue oft forgotten in our society.
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It’s so important, just these basic words make people more pleasant to each other!
I’ve been thinking about this a LOT recently. I teach pre-k and I’ve always had a pet peeve for rudeness. Please and Thank You are so important. Due to recent experiences with houseguests in my life, I’ve been enlightened to the fact that some things really do need to be spelled out. Specifically, leave a place cleaner than when you arrived. We had house guests stay the night this weekend who were messy, sloppy and inconsiderate. Wow, did I learn to appreciate my mom just a wee bit more today! Great post! Stopping by from SITS!
Ugh, ungrateful houseguests are THE WORST. They are in your home and not treating with respect. They should be on their best behavior and use their best manners to show they appreciate staying with you!
I probably wouldn’t have said ‘you’re welcome’. It wouldn’t be needed, as my boy probably would have said (in a full voice), ‘She forgot to say thank you.” LOL
I expect from my kids the same manners I expect from everyone else. Use the ‘pl’a’ word (please), say thank you, don’t interupt, take turns, and the golden rule. If my kids can figure it out, I know a grumpy lady on the train can. =D
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Amen sister…you got that right! Treat others how we’d like to be treated….if a 2 and 4 year old (my kidlets) can do it, so can you train lady!
I wonder that sometimes too. I always say “thank you” in times like that. I also say “Oh, I’m sorry” if I’ve unintentionally been rude. Maybe the girl was just one of those people who are socially awkward??
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eh, she was just rude. It’s not that hard to say “please” or even “thanks” but we just have to keep treating others like how we’d like to be treated. I’m hoping that will rub off on others!
I know I’m going against the grain here, but maybe the woman was having such a difficult day that she was preoccupied with her own situation and not responding “normally”. I tend to try to give people the benefit of the doubt:) Anyways, I agree wholeheartedly that she was very rude to you.
I am determined to raise children who understand the importance of manners, however, I’m afraid mothers like us are a dying breed (judging from kids I run into at the park, library, grocery store, etc.). My kids aren’t perfect at remembering their manners…but we’re working on it!
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I wish I could give her the benefit of the doubt…she was on the train jabbering away, laughing on her cell phone chatting with some friend. It was like she just expected that I would let her go first….
but we still say please and thank you in this house….and I make sure to say it especially when I’m out in the world!
When this happens to me, I usually bark at the rude person. And then I feel bad that I’ve just yelled – “you’re welcome…no…really!” And vow next time to smile sweetly and be totally gushing…trouble is it always comes across as sarcastic, I can’t help it.
My girls are generally pretty polite, but I usually always say please and thank you, and I think they really do learn by example rather than constant reminders.
It’s hard lots of times – when we do something polite out in public for others and my kids turn to me and say, “why didn’t they say please/thank you?” How do you explain that? I just tell them that we treat and say to others how we would like for them to treat us….
I myself would have been tempted to say “why sure your welcome it was no problem at all”, but I try to remember that my smile, and being nice may be the only decent thing that has happened to that person all day. Our daughter is 20 yrs. old and we have raised her to know that God loves her when it seems no one else does. When she was younger she got in trouble at school for kicking a classmate after getting onto her i ask her “Jennifer what is the golden rule we always try to go by?” to which she replied “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” then she said ” so i figured she wanted me to kick her back because she kicked me first” you have to love a child reasoning.
Haha! Love your daughter’s reasoning! But it is so true, we have to try to live by example – if we don’t do it, our kids won’t do it either. Why should we live by one set of rules and them another. Thanks for bringing a chuckle to my day!
I would have said “you’re welcome” to her anyway. How rude. I do try to teach my kids to use their manners, though they do need to be reminded sometimes.
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I guess I should have said it….but I just let it go. I still have to be reminded sometimes (maybe a nudge by The Hubs) to say “thank you”….no one, except Miss Manners I would think, is perfect! Thanks for stopping by.
I think “Please”and “Thank you” says so much about you (and your children.) People just need to slow down and realize that there is value in such simple phrases.
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Thank you for leaving such a lovely comment – it made me smile and I know I’m trying to raise my kiddies right!
I would have said, “You’re welcome,” too. But I agree with Kristin that there may be something neurological going on there.
Then again, I suppose it’s possible that she had such a lousy day that she simply couldn’t handle any interaction at all. That doesn’t make it okay, but I can see how someone could be there in their head.
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I thought about that too, but she was yammering in her phone earlier on the train trip with a friend….she just was rude!!
Ha Ha! I love it Passive Aggressive Disorder. I think I may suffer from that as well.
Now, if I wasn’t so tired yesterday I would have shouted “your welcome” – but I wasn’t ready to deal with what her reaction would have been. I’m sure she still wouldn’t have said anything or acknowledged me, which in turn would have made me even more frustrated and flustered. Thank you for commenting!
I just figure that the type of rudeness you describe above is due to a neurological disorder (I’m not kidding), and I decide to be thankful I am able to say thank you when appropriate. Which is not to say I wouldn’t have shouted “You’re Welcome” after her. I would have. And that is due to my Passive Aggressive Disorder.
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